What the F*ck Is an EF-Bomb Coach?

Oct 20

Episode 37 of Wellness Me Up — Wellness Me Up Diary Entry
with EF-Bomb Coach Shannyn Schroeder
Written and hosted by Amanda Reece, founder of Wellness Me Up.

EF stands for executive function — your adulting skills, your life skills, the stuff nobody actually taught you. Shannyn Schroeder is an EF-Bomb coach helping neurodivergent women calm the chaos by finding systems that fit their brains. Not copy and pasted from someone else. Theirs. Also she called me out lovingly approximately seventeen times.

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Who Is Shannyn Schroeder?

Shannyn Schroeder is an EF-Bomb coach — EF for executive function, bomb for the f-bombs that fly freely and without apology. She helps neurodivergent women understand how their brains actually work and then build systems, strategies, and tools that fit that brain. Not someone else's brain. Not the neurotypical productivity guru's brain. Theirs.

She also has a master's in special education. Her grown kids swear. Her youngest daughter dropped a perfectly placed son of a bitch at two and a half and Shannyn could not even be mad because she used it correctly.

We talked for a while before hitting record about psychology documentaries, ethics, the nature versus nurture debate, and the WTF moments that come with all of it. And then we hit record and she proceeded to describe my entire life back to me in real time.

She has never met me before and it felt like she knew everything about how I operate. 😄

So What Actually Is Executive Function?

Because it sounds very academic and very not relatable and I want to make sure nobody skips past this part.

Executive function is your life skills. Your adulting skills. The things that people just assume you have figured out by the time you hit your mid-twenties. Managing your time. Prioritizing tasks. Getting started on things you do not want to do. Finishing things you started. Planning. Organizing. All of it.

That is executive function.

And for neurodivergent people — people with ADHD, autism, and other brain differences — those skills do not come automatically. They have to be actively built. And the systems that work for neurotypical people will often completely fail a neurodivergent brain.

Which is where Shannyn comes in.

You're Not Broken. You're Just Wired Differently.

This is Shannyn's core message and the thing I want every person listening to this episode to actually let land.

So many of the women who find her spent decades being told — you just need to try harder. You just need a planner. You just need to get up earlier. You just need to be more disciplined.

Just. That word. I felt that in my whole chest.

I shared my own version of this. When I was sitting on launching this podcast for ages — waiting until everything was perfect, until all my systems were in place, until I had figured out every little detail. And a friend finally said to me — are you listening to yourself right now? You keep saying you just need to do this and then you'll be ready. Just start it. You will figure it out as you go.

That just was holding me back. And underneath it was perfectionism. And underneath that was imposter syndrome. And underneath that was rejection sensitivity. All of it wrapped up in one neat little package with a purple bow.

Shannyn said something that cracked it open for me. If it is not perfect then I do not ever have to do it. And if I do not ever do it then I cannot be judged for it.

That is the whole loop. And most of us have been running it for years without even knowing it had a name.

The Water Bottle That Went to Get the Laundry

This was the moment I laughed the loudest and felt the most seen simultaneously.

Shannyn described what it looks like when an ADHD brain tries to refill a water bottle.

You get up. You are going to the kitchen. On the way you notice the laundry that did not get flipped. So you do that. Then you are going up the stairs and the dog needs to go out. So you let the dog out. And the dog wants a treat. So you get the treat. And then you notice the dishes. So you wash the dishes. And then you go back to your computer.

Where is your water?

Anyone else listening whose brain just went... oh??? I don't even have a dog — not a dog person — but this is SO relatable. If my place wasn't clean and organized good luck ever making it to get a glass of water. 107 things would be waiting to suck me in before I even made it to the kitchen.

That is not laziness. That is not being disorganized. That is what it actually looks like when your executive function works differently. And when someone finally describes your daily experience back to you with that level of accuracy — when someone finally sees it — it is genuinely moving.

Clients tell her all the time — how do you know? Do you have cameras in my house?

She does not have cameras. She has just been living in this world for a very long time and she knows what it looks like.

When Your Brain Flips Its Lid

Shannyn brought in something from Dr. Dan Siegel that I want to explain because it is genuinely one of the most useful things I have heard for understanding what happens when overwhelm takes over.

I have a psychology degree so I love when psych things get woven into conversations — and the Dr. Dan Siegel hand model is a goodie. One of those things that just makes it so visual and so instantly understandable.

Make a fist. Tuck your thumb inside first. The fingers folded over the top — that is your executive function. Your planning, your prioritizing, your decision making. The thumb underneath — that is your amygdala.

When you are overwhelmed your amygdala takes over. You flip your lid. Your fingers come up. And all of that executive function becomes completely inaccessible.

You are not being lazy. You are not being dramatic. Your brain has literally gone offline.

And your brain does not know the difference between I am going to get fired and a tiger is about to eat me. It is the same response. Same adrenaline. Same cortisol. Same completely offline executive function.

I shared my own version of this. The moment I was so activated about a work situation that I was pacing and could not string a sentence together. A man I was dating at the time came over, looked at me, and said I have never seen you like this. He sat me down. Started stroking my hair. Said slow down, walk me through what is happening.

And I could breathe again. And then I could think. And then I could see options.

That is what nervous system regulation actually looks like in practice. Not someone telling you to calm down. Someone bringing your body back online so your brain can follow.

There Is No Magic Planner

I need to say this loudly for everyone in the back.

There is no perfect system that works for every neurodivergent brain. No planner. No app. No productivity method. No morning routine. Shannyn will tell you that directly and without apology.

What there is — is trial and error. Experimentation. Finding what works for your specific brain in your specific life and being willing to keep adjusting as things change.

And the beautiful thing about finding that system — when it finally clicks — is that the world shifts. Not just the task that was not getting done. Everything. Because you have proof now that your brain can do this. That you are capable. That you are not broken.

She told the story of helping someone break a giant overwhelming to-do list into just one step. Not the list. Just the first step. And the person going — how did you know that was the problem? How did you know that was what was happening?

Because that is what she does. She sees it. Even when you cannot.

Who the F*ck Says You Need to Wake Up at 5am?

This part of the conversation had me absolutely vibrating with recognition.

Shannyn said something I want tattooed somewhere. The 5am rise and grind culture was invented by neurotypical people. It does not work for everyone. And if your brain comes alive at midnight — if that is when you do your best thinking, your best creating, your best work — then build your life around midnight.

I have done exactly this. I have built a digital nomad life around my bat hours. I stay up late. I walk and enjoy my day. And then I work until 2 or 3 or 4am because that is when I am actually good.

Nobody gets to tell you what your schedule should look like. That schedule was designed for someone else's brain.

The dining room table rant also needed to happen in this episode and I am glad it did. I got rid of mine. Got an air hockey pool table instead. Put my treadmill where the coffee table was. Redesigned the space for me — not for what a grown-up's apartment is supposed to look like.

Who says you have to have a dining room table? Who says you have to fold your laundry? Shannyn has clients who have a two-basket system — clean and dirty — and just dig through. Does it work for them? Yes. Does it need to look like anyone else's system? Absolutely not.

The WTF Wheel Question: What Emotion Are You Worst at Sitting With?

Happiness.

Shannyn said it without much hesitation and it genuinely surprised me in the best way. Because it is not the answer anyone expects.

She grew up in a world of work hard work hard work hard. There was no just be happy. So now when something good happens — when she hits a milestone or finishes something she is proud of — her brain immediately goes to what is next. What do I do now. What is the next bar.

And she cannot just sit in it.

I remember one Christmas where my mom — we are now estranged — said all she wanted was happiness. That was it. That was the whole Christmas list. Just to be fucking happy. And someone in the family wrapped up an empty box with just the word happiness inside it. And we all laughed. But I think about that moment a lot. Because nobody can give you that box. You have to fill it yourself. You have to carve out the happiness and then — and this is the hard part — actually sit with it long enough to feel it.

We are so driven. So wired for the next thing. That we forget to just be in the thing we worked so hard to get to.

What Wellness Me Up Means to Shannyn

You are not broken.

That is it. That is her whole answer.

For so many of the women she works with that statement is not a platitude. It is genuinely life changing. Because they have spent decades being told the opposite. Told they just need to try harder. Told something is wrong with them. Told they should be able to do the things everyone else seems to do without any trouble at all.

And then someone hands them the information that their brain is wired differently. That there are systems and tools that exist specifically for how they think. And suddenly — the box unlocks.

That is wellness. That is what she is doing every single day.

And honestly after this conversation I felt it in my own bones too.

Want to work with Shannyn?
Shannyn Schroeder is an EF-Bomb coach helping neurodivergent women build systems that actually work for their brains. Free blog, YouTube channel, courses, a free Facebook group for women, and a membership all available on her website.

👉 efbombcoach.com
📱 Find her everywhere — search Shannyn Schroeder or EF-Bomb Coach

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